An early thanksgiving

Warning: Avert your eyes if you have a weak stomach for sappy pregnancy gushes of emotion.

It may come across on my blog that this pregnancy has made me the most vain person to ever walk the earth. (Although if you caught a glimpse of my unkempt appearance these days, those suspicions would be quickly squashed.) It's hard to rip my eyes and thoughts from my ever-changing, swelling, queasy body - especially when the fiend, my Digestive System, demands my constant attention. I feel like the most boring person in the world because my conversational topics are limited to pregnancy, naps and reading. I consider the day an accomplishment if I got out of my pajamas, did a (little) housework and made dinner for my poor husband - who has had to make himself a bowl of cereal for dinner on my than one occasion during the last few months.

Things have been slowly happening for awhile to wake me up to the outside world. Although I do have some 2nd trimester morning sickness, it's not quite as severe as the 1st trimester. Either that or I've gotten used to my new companion, Constant Nausea. More significantly, as the baby has started to move, I find myself focusing less on my body as just that - MY body - and more as a grateful vessel for that amazing little life growing inside.
When I burst into tears from the frustration of morning sickness, constant fatigue and the fiery round ligament pain, my husband gently suggested I bring it to Our Lady in prayer because she went through all of this.

I have been trying to deepen my prayer life for awhile now with no luck. Everything felt false and forced. I want to come before God honestly. Preparing for motherhood has made this easier. How can I not come before God honestly when I'm in pain, nauseous, unwashed and desperate? The sneaky thing about prayer is that it changes you. I went from begging Him to take these things away to thanking Him for this opportunity to love greater, be pushed further. He's already expanding my heart - for Him, for Chris, for this baby - in ways that I never imagined. I had been praying to be more blessed with things I thought we needed. Now I've been praying that we can simplify our lives while still providing adequately for our baby. All of these things made what happened Thursday so much easier (and so much harder).

Chris left early on Thursday morning for a conference in Baton Rouge. I woke up temporarily to see him off, but fell back asleep for a nap (no one should get up at 6:00am when they don't have to.) I had a weird feeling when he left, but I'm hyper sensitive and super pregnancy hormonal (read- I cry easily), so I shrugged it off. Chris called at 7:45am with the phone call no wife wants to get: "I'm ok, but I got into an accident. The car is totaled. I'll call you back in a little bit." Click. 

My husband defines words, um, differently from me. If I said, I'm ok, I might mean that I had a few scratches. For Chris, this could cover a WIDE range of things. "I'm ok" could very well mean he snapped his femur in half. I burst into tears from not knowing how hurt he was, from being grateful to hear his voice. Then I started to pray as I stared at the little clock on my phone, praying that everything was alright and that he would call back soon. To make a long story short(er), he had a few scratches and was sore, but was really okay.

I picked Chris up from Baton Rouge that evening. We had a long ride back home to talk. This talk was different from one people normally have after this type of event. I think I could see how much both of us striving so hard to pray more, to love each other more, had really changed us. There was no aggravation, no frustration. Here are some highlights:

-So I totaled your car...um, Happy Birthday was what Chris said to break the ice and the looming "I could have lost you" feeling we were both having. We were both relieved to get rid of that car that had been the BANE of our existences. It's been a lemon from the start. The AC hasn't worked in months (South Louisiana summer + no AC = gross) and two of the four doors did not open - including the driver's door. (Chris had to crawl out the window after the accident). The funniest part of the day -we got about $50 for the car.

-We're now a one car family was a concept that took about ten minutes to get used to. Ten minutes that I used to panic, thinking we needed a new car. We don't. We have decided we are excited at the prospect of spending more time together, being more unselfish with our time, saving money and the exercise Chris will get from riding his bike more. We might try to look for a car as it gets close to Baby Reed's big arrival. For now, we're fantastic.

-How much we love each other has become so evident. I thought I knew no greater love than the day I said "I do" to my husband. I was sooo wrong. I want to be more for him everyday. I never once cared about the stupid car. All we both cared about was that our little family was safe and that Baby Reed will have two parents that love each other tremendously.

I said (several paragraphs up) that the recent changes in my prayer life made that awful day both easier and harder. Easier because I had no problems letting go of the car or dwelling on all of the "inconveniences" that would arise. What was really important was so glaringly obvious that these were non-issues. This is also what made it harder. I love my husband more deeply than I knew. I could have lost him. (Insert pregnancy tears).

My birthday was the day before the wreck. I didn't want to do anything particularly special for the day. Not that I was opposed to it being special, but I didn't feel the need to make create a special day for myself (my husband took care of most of that anyway). I wasn't trying to be difficult, nor did I think that I wasn't special or that birthdays or silly. But every time I thought about what I wanted, I already had it. I have a sweet husband with whom I have a great relationship and, maybe best of all, this amazing opportunity to carry the most precious gift possible.

I'm so grateful, nausea and all.

I thought I was through with this?

I'm at the cusp of week 17 with Baby Reed. "You should be feeling so much better by now" say both my doctor and those informative (but sometimes annoying) emails from Babycenter.  Why, o why, am I having first trimester flashbacks? One minute I'm brushing my hair for work and the next minute I'm doubled over with nausea. My theory is that Baby Reed wants me to remember he or she is still there. How could I forget? Besides the profound abdominal growth, there are still a million other signs that the baby is there. The two most recent and remarkable signs:

1. We finally got to hear the heartbeat!! For our first ultrasound, the sound portion of the machine was broken. For our first in-office doppler, the doctor (to my absolute terror) couldn't find the heartbeat just yet and had to use ultrasound to show us that yes, you can stop turning white and hyper-ventilating, that heart is pumping away. For this past Thursday's visit, he found the heartbeat almost immediately. However, he proceeded to chase the kid back and forth from one side of my abdomen all the way to the other so we could hear it for more than a second. I'm wondering if this is indicative of our baby's personality and energy level? If the baby is moving this much it's no wonder that I can feel...

2. Baby kicks. Clear, distinguishable ones. Not "oh, is that a gas bubble or a baby" kicks. I was resting my hand outside my abdomen yesterday morning and felt a clear kick. WOW. So freaking cool. I then felt more kicks at the beginning of the Saints game, but they stopped after about four minutes. Chris is even more convinced it is a girl because only a girl would get excited for the first four minutes of a football game and then go to sleep.

Speaking of Saints game... (I'm the queen of segues today) I got to go to my first one in the Superdome, thanks to some friends of ours who are season ticket holders who generously surrendered last nights tickets into our willing hands. Even though I was a zombie in the second half, we really enjoyed ourselves!

Food Challenge

My question of the week (besides that whole celebrity voyeurism thing): How does a pregnant woman eat healthy? Like, really healthy. And ENJOY it?

For more than 6 months before we conceived, Chris and I had been on a major health food/exercise kick. I went from begrudgingly eating vegetables, to enjoying them, to practically savoring them. I craved roasted broccoli. I was practically vegan before I got pregnant with this little one. Ten weeks (and almost fifteen pounds lost) of barely being barely being able to eat anything and definitely not enjoying practically any food has damaged my oh-so-carefully built new habits. I've been eating whatever I feel like eating because I ate so little and just needed to keep something in my stomach.

Challenges:
Challenge 1: During the first trimester, I had a major aversion to vegetables. I could not even swallow them. It was one of the saddest times of my life.
Challenge 2: My taste had become very primitive for awhile. While weight gain wise I have been able to eat whatever I want, I know that the additives and salt content (not to mention sugar, fat, etc.) in the more processed food I have been eating are being passed to my baby, and this I definitely don't like.


I'm not so worried about the weight gain (knock on wood) because I've lost so much already, but I would like to keep my weight gain low and, more importantly, my health (and the baby's) high. I'm already overweight and at a higher risk for gestational diabetes and preclampsia.

This week has been my first full week where I've had more freedom with food. I've finally reincorporated some veggies (although not nearly enough). I eat a lot of fruit and cheese. Anyone have suggestions on portable snacks and easy meals to make that will be great superfoods for the baby and me? Now that I don't feel like death, I feel like I can focus on health in this pregnancy as opposed to mere survival. Also, I would love to have a diet that gives me the energy to continue yoga and swimming again, asap.

Update...real post to follow!

It's been about a month since I posted last, so here's a brief "life update":
-Baby Reed is 16 weeks old and looking less like a t-rex and more like the cute little person that he/she is. I've run a quite a range of feelings already about this pregnancy- bewilderment, fear, nausea and excitement to name a few. As my end of the 1st trimester baby "beer belly" turns into an ever so slight looking baby bump, I've finally  settled into my position as "baby grower" and started to prepare myself to be "baby raiser" so that I don't become "baby's inept mother". Chris and I are slowly trying to make steps to be the parents we want to be and make our household and family life what we want it to be. One big change - much more book reading, much less tv watching.

-Most of you know about my dad and how he's going through surgery/treatment for cancer. Hard times always show who the most faithful friends are, and I've been pleasantly surprised and grateful for the people who have come out of the woodwork and made a point to ask how the surgery went or to let me know they're praying. When I read my Dad's facebook wall, I'm super impressed at how many people care about him and my mom and are constantly posting words of encouragement. Thank you so much for your prayers for him and my family.

-Because of Dad's surgery, my little brother came and stayed with us in our tiny apartment for just under a week. Two adults, one teenager and a cat in a one bedroom apartment is tight, but not impossible. It makes me realize how little space we can actually live in. Gabby (our cat) was grateful to share the living room so as long as she could have a snuggly sleep buddy :)

Ahhh....this is the life.

I am super excited to announce that Chris found out last Friday that he got a promotion (and a nice little raise) at work! I was super sad to find out that he needed to spend the next 5 days in Baton Rouge. After a nice long weekend across the state celebrating the marriage of our dear friends, Liz and Philip*, we came home Sunday night - and packed again. I met Chris in BR Monday night and got to stay until Wednesday (he came home on Friday). While Chris went to his training during the day, I partied it up (hahaha) in the hotel until he came home.

*A side note on Liz and Philip - what a gorgeous wedding!!! I have honestly never seen two people that seem  so absolutely made for each other. I couldn't imagine either of them with anyone else. I wish you all of the happiness in the world! Please pray that they have a happy, holy marriage with lots of gorgeous blue-eyed babies :)


This little free vacation leads me to my purpose for this blog post -

Why Every Pregnant Woman Should Live in a Hotel:

1. One word: elevator. Minimal walking (waddling) around everywhere.
2. HOUSEKEEPING. Hmmm...I did fill the trash and use all of the towels this morning, but now the trash is empty I have fresh towels and my toilet paper has that neat little triangle fold on it. Whoopsie! I forgot to make the bed. Thank goodness, it was magically made by fairies while I was (see #3)
3. Out to lunch with my husband. Everyday. A quiet meal. Someone else did the dishes. Could this be a...date??
4. Why don't I have a valet at my apartment? I think one of the less finer things about being pregnant (or not pregnant) in Louisiana during the summer is steaming hot cars with seat belts that burn and air that suffocates. I think I would leave the house more if I could call a well-dressed man five minutes before I was supposed to leave to take my car from wherever it was magically hidden and pull it up 5 feet from the hotel lobby with the AC blasting.
5. Cable TV. I admit this shouldn't be as big of a bonus as it is. We don't have cable. I'm at the end of my first trimester and although overall feeling much better, I still have some funky-feeling days. I was so disappointed to find that my first day there was a funky day. I had made plans to get a little crazy and go sit at a bookstore all day and sip lattes while Chris was at his conference. That frown turned upside down when I realized I had a coffee maker, a huge bed with no less than six fluffy pillows and cable to TV to entertain me until the funk passed.

Practice Makes Perfect

Practicing his baby rocking skills.

Jump for Joy

I've been actively involved in church groups for a really long time. I've heard numerous talks on how God has intended the relationship between men and women, talks on purity, friendship, courting, etc. Especially through high school, I struggled so hard to follow the "rules", but still ended up with a broken heart or that really awful alone feeling. A had lots of guys as friends. I thought my relationships were appropriate. I never thought that "void" could be filled by having a boyfriend. So what was wrong?  

I had a really strong revelation the summer before I started my freshman year of college. My friendship lack was not with men, but with women. I had become skittish of other girls in high school because of the extreme drama and backstabbing I had experienced with other girls at a really young age. Every time I went to go make a new friend, I thought "Can I trust her?" or "She definitely won't understand me."  I gravitated towards my guy friends because they seemed easier. I wish I would have realized then how much I was depriving myself. 

Right before college started, I actively prayed for a couple of really solid girl friendships...and God blessed me 30-fold!  All during college, I felt like a part of me that was still really young and underdeveloped really blossomed - I know I owe that to my very blessed friendships with my girl friends. I realized that a man and women can only go so deep in their friendship before they have progressed beyond friends, but a healthy friendship between two women can deepen and expand so much it's unbelievable. I so firmly believe that a woman learns who she is as a woman by developing trusting, strong female friendships. 

I've heard so often our gifts are also our curses. Women have this amazing ability of observation and insight...why don't we use it to build each other up instead of tear each other down? Even if we're not catty out loud, I've heard numerous women admit (me included), that we instantly notice SO much about other women, but we've trained ourselves wrong. For a long time, if I saw a beautiful/sweet/charismatic woman, I would instantly feel jealous/intimidated/judgmental. (Of course, I would strive not to say ANY of these things out loud.) A few years ago I started challenging myself to retrain my brain. When I saw a friend who looked especially pretty, I would shut out any negativity and affirm her OUT LOUD "You look really beautiful today, Susie!" I felt really dumb at first. I gave a talk on this at a women's group, and tried really hard to practice what I preached. Gradually, I saw the immediate culture of women around me change.

As always, there is no way that our everyday lives can avoid being intertwined with our spiritual lives. I felt drawn towards all of these really positive, strong women in scripture. Two of my favorite women in scripture are Mary (God's Mom) and Elizabeth, her cousin.  Individually, Mary is...well, she's amazing! I could write endless blog post about my devotion to the Blessed Mother and how she has helped change my life, both through intercession and example. Elizabeth was SO faithful in her old age.

Together, these women are DYNAMITE! The pure explosion of friendship is shown in Luke:

When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the infant leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth, filled with the holy Spirit, cried out in a loud voice and said, "Most blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb. And how does this happen to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the infant in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed are you who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled. 

These two super holy, faithful women who love each other so much come together, both carrying extremely holy little boys in their bellies (because one is, you know, God and everything) and they absolutely REJOICE for each other! I read this and think "Why are we, as women, not rejoicing constantly for each other?!" Elizabeth didn't say, "Looks like you've packed on a little too much baby weight." or say condescendingly "That's so cute that you think your baby is God's son...I bet mine's a prophet or something great like that."

That is why this is one of my FAVORITE pictures. I hope to get a print of this eventually and hang it prominently in my house:

Another reason why I especially love this picture right now is because we're expecting a baby in February! As the end of the 1st trimester approaches and we've gotten several indications that this is a very healthy baby, we are so proud to begin sharing our very happy news. 

My blogging had slacked off for awhile because ALL I could think about was the baby and being nauseous and supernaturally tired. Also, I didn't think "Dry heaved today. Going to take a nap now" would make a very interesting blog post ;)  

The other picture right now that is rivaling for the most beautiful picture in the world (for Chris and I) right now is this one:

 

                   Baby Reed , almost 10 weeks.