The most beautiful thing I have ever seen

 8lbs 9 oz. Born on February 10. Her father and I are completely, ridiculously in love with her. :)

I obviously will have SO much more to say. I've been writing a million blog posts in my head the past ten days. When I had the option of writing a blog post or staring into my daughter's eyes for 20 minutes, it was no contest.

The last of the navel-gazing series

My two month abandonment of this blog was due to an effort to avoid talking about a, frankly, very frustrating third trimester. I'm sure some of you are sick of my navel-gazing, but hey, that's my life right now so that's what I'm going to blog about. I've processed a little more recently, so I feel like I can write about the Three Things That Have Made Me A Mess in The Past Month:


-Major circulation issues have caused massive swelling in my hands and feet (and arms and legs). The swelling has caused carpal tunnel, which has caused numbness and pain, which means sleeping is a dream of the past. I have no signs of preeclampsia or toxemia. My doctor is calling this just pregnancy edema which he says will only be cured by giving birth. (The edema is probably caused by the fact that our daughter is huge and is putting an enormous strain on my circulatory system - the last ultrasound put her in 93rd percentile weight-wise!) Since the only ways my doc and I have found to manage the swelling is staying off my feet as much as possible and drinking close to a gallon and a half of water a day, I can also only indulge in my nesting urges in short spurts. I feel like the laziest, most water-logged person alive.

-(Out of the ordinary) pain issues: Lots of women have round ligament pain. I keep telling my OB that I have "really, really severe round ligament pain." And he just looks at me and continues to review my chart.
Although I'm not Superwoman, I'm not a complete wuss either. I know something is wrong. From all of my preparation for natural childbirth, I've learned the pregnancy and birth can have lots of uncomfortable sensations and even be downright painful - but when the pain is chronic and unmanageable, the body is sending a signal that something is NOT RIGHT. I wish I wouldn't have spent the past nine months thinking I was a weakling who couldn't handle round ligament pain and realized I probably have a pregnancy condition similar to SPD.

Speaking of natural childbirth, I have a hard time dealing with the people who openly doubt and even patronize my decision to attempt a natural childbirth.

Chris and I have spent countless hours preparing for childbirth. We've decided that for us, natural childbirth is the best option. It was a decision that came from hours of research and examination of our particular situation;  it was not made on a whim. We also understand that things happen. Our birth plan is realistic and well-rounded and also includes specific points about an epidural and c-section in case it comes to that.

However, I feel like women should have a chance to have their ideal birth experience. Since labor is so mental, this chance gets slimmer when everyone they encounter mocks, doubts and belittles their well-educated decisions about their labor and delivery. (This goes for both sides. I had someone I barely know call me in my second trimester to make sure I knew about the Bradley Method and proceeded to talk at length about this being the only acceptable way to give childbirth.) I have a friend who knows she has a very low tolerance for pain. She made the decision early in her pregnancy to have an epidural. It was not a decision she made because she didn't want to participate fully in her L&D experience - in fact, it was exactly the opposite. She researched, knew the risks and knew herself well enough to know this was the best decision for her and her baby.

If my pre-existing pain problems get unmanageable during labor to the point that it is harmful for my baby or myself, of course I will consider an epidural. I will not consider this a "failure" of my birth plan, but just one of the many circumstances my husband and I have prepared for.

The only voice that family, friends and acquaintances should have in a couple's birth experience is a supportive one. Pregnancy, labor, delivery and child-rearing is difficult enough.

That being said, this isn't a perfect world - people are going to say dumb things. A huge reason we didn't share our baby's name is because I can't just shrug off people's comments (especially people close to me) about my life choices. I didn't want to waver on her name that we feel so called to name her (we also really like the idea of presenting her all of our family and friends when she's born!) I know I would run those comments over and over in my head later at home and allow it to:
A) influence my decision or
B) really, really get under my skin

A goal for my next pregnancy (haha...I can't even believe I'm saying that right now) is to be more balanced. I don't think telling off people who say inappropriate things about our baby's name, our birth decisions, etc. is the right way to handle the situation - but neither is the extreme opposite reaction of letting every comment come through my skin and pierce my heart.

On a lighter note, some (comically) frustrating comments that I've gotten are as follows:
-"I think you're going to have your baby on _____ date."
-"Did you have your baby yet?" (Yes, and we didn't tell you...)
-"Whoa! You've gotten huge!"
-"Are you sure you're having a girl? I heard this story where a couple bought all pink stuff and then they had a boy." (Three ultrasounds have confirmed that she is a girl. If she's miraculously a boy, we'll be super excited too!)

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow for an almost 39 week checkup and to address the supposed hugeness of the baby. I'm worried that the "I" word is going to come up (induction) because of the baby's size. Please say some prayers that Chris and I make the right decision for our baby...or maybe just that we go into labor ASAP.

Hopefully this will be the end of pregnancy blogging and I will have more interesting things to blog about than my in utero activity. Beware that it may be the beginning of the more-than-occasional post about the guaranteed Cutest Baby To Ever Be Born blog...

Advent: Preparing for the Big Arrival

Almost a month...that's how long regular bloggers wait to post..........right???

My excuses in a nutshell: clearing out the old apartment, moving into the new house, cleaning the old apartment, cleaning the new house, pregnancy fatigue, anemia fatigue, vicious cold, no internet, unpacking, unpacking and unpacking while being hugely pregnant.

Now I can move onto more important things. Like Advent.

Chris and I are determined to make Advent mean something for us this year. Or maybe I should say finally participating in it's meaning. It clearly already has meaning, I don't need to create one.

Advent is a time of preparation. What better year for our family to decide to take Advent seriously than the year I am in my third trimester for our first baby? Our whole life right now is preparation!

 We're a week behind on getting an Advent wreath (although I'm stealing this great, super frugal idea from my friend Erin's blog) but we've managed to do a daily reading and meditation.

Although I've been adamant about preparing for the baby ever since I found out about her in June, (she has a super safe car seat, some seriously cute diapers and more money in her bank account than I do) I haven't gone manic *yet* (her room is undecorated and completely filled to the max with boxes...it's kind of ridiculous. I should get on that.) 

Ok, so I'm not that ready for the baby. I still have 9 weeks. I hope. (If not, she will be very naked and sleeping in a dresser drawer for awhile). However, I wouldn't dream of being grossly unprepared financially or failing to buy a safe car seat. These things are super important.

Where is this urgency when preparing my heart for the Advent of Christmas/Advent of the arrival of Baby Reed?

This Advent, I want to prepare my heart for her. What steps am I making to prepare my heart for this beautiful little person who is going to 100% rely on me? How much am I praying for a change within myself so that she can grow up with the Mama she deserves? I'm thinking of starting everyday with this prayer: Lord, please help me today to be more motivated and less neurotic.

Ultimately this Advent, I prepare my heart for Him. I can be neither the wife or the mother I want to be if I don't start here. Line of thought/prayer at Mass this weekend:
-Advent is about preparing the way for Him.
-What are the obstacles in my life that keep me from engrossing myself in my spiritual life?
-Over and over, I couldn't think of anything tangible. Then, the answer seemingly floated down from the rafters in the church and landed squarely in front of me: Myself. I am the obstacle. Here is my first prayer for Advent:

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved...
From the desire of being extolled ...
From the desire of being honored ...
From the desire of being praised ...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted ...
From the desire of being approved ...
From the fear of being humiliated ...
From the fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...
From the fear of being calumniated ...
From the fear of being forgotten ...
From the fear of being ridiculed ...
From the fear of being wronged ...
From the fear of being suspected ...

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I ...
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…

     -Litany of Humility

Easy, huh?


And maybe one day after daily Mass, I'll go buy my little girl some warm baby clothes. She's going to be pretty cold in that dresser drawer.

a chemical-free household, Part 2: 8 Simple Rules

Here' s Part 1.


8 Simple Rules for Chemical-free, Frugal, Green Living:

1. Simple. A lot of chemical-free living is about going back to basics. This isn't to mean we should turn back the clock on progress and do everything like the pioneers did, or using methods that our grandparents used that stemmed from old wives tales more so than science. It means going back to the last thing that really worked. For example, how did women moisturize their skin before lotion was put in a bottle with tons of petroleum-based products? With pure oils like olive, jojoba, coconut, etc (NOT mineral oils - Oil-free makeup propagates the myth that oil clogs pores because bad oils clog pores).

2. It shouldn't break the bank. If it's not cheaper for me in the long run, I won't do it. It took me awhile to switch certain things, like shampoo, because I couldn't find a truly organic way of cleaning my hair that was cheaper and just as (if not more) effective than my mainstream shampoo.

3. Think long term. I emphasized the long run in the point before on purpose. Sometimes start up costs are expensive. Cloth diapers, for example, can cost anywhere from $300-$800 dollars to start up. However, you'll probably get this money back in a matter of months. In the end, you can save thousands of dollars per kid, not to mention the long term health and environmental benefits. Also, the slightly higher cost of taking care of your body now is way cheaper than paying exorbitant doctor's bills later. Several decades ago, American's spent 17.5% of their money on food and 5.2% on healthcare. Today, only 9.9% is spent on food and whopping 16% is spent on healthcare. (this is according to Michael Pollan's book, In Defense of Food.)

4. Give yourself time to implement these changes. My house isn't 100% chemical-free, but it's come a very, very long way.  There are also a few products in our house that we haven't found adequate replacements (like toothpaste and deodorant -although we no long buy anything with aluminum.) Making changes can be overwhelming. Sometimes you might find a product that is better than what you were using, but still has an icky ingredient or two in it. I think that's a huge step. The less toxins we're putting in our bodies, the better off we are. Keep seeking out that truly chemical-free product and I'm sure you'll eventually find it (and probably love it more than what you used before!) If it's stressing you out, take a break and start searching again later. 

Which leads me to my next point...

5. You're more likely to stick with changes if you implement them slowly and easily. 

I have been trying for awhile to go completely paperless in the kitchen, but we're in the middle of a (very slow) move to a bigger house that needed lots of cleaning. Cleaning both the new and the old place and trying to move has been stressful and put a hold on going paperless. I'm not dropping it all together, but just waiting a few weeks until we're settled in the new place. This way, the new habits will stick and not be associated with stress, because it really isn't stressful to give up paper towels.

6. Redefine old definitions, particularly of cleanliness and beauty. Does something need to smell like chemicals and artificial fragrance to be clean? Instead of buying Febreze or Glade plug ins, try sprinkling baking soda on your rugs, boiling some cinnamon sticks on the stove, or just airing out your house by opening all the windows for a few hours. Insanely cheaper, non toxic, and will release all those germs you've been imprisoning in your home.

     Beauty. I'm not going to say go completely without makeup or hair products. It's okay to like to be all gussied up. I do think there is a huge problem with women not feeling beautiful because they don't have their hair perfect and their "face" on. I know I want to teach my daughter to be comfortable in just her own skin so she doesn't feel the pressure to look a certain way to be beautiful. I also know that this mostly dependent on how I talk and act about beauty in regards to myself and others. If she decides that she likes to have her hair fixed up and wear makeup, I hope that I can point her towards products that won't put her health in danger for the sake of beauty.

7. Read labels & educate yourself. I can't emphasize this one enough. The words "natural" and "organic" are completely unregulated in non-food products. Many products mix in essential oils and organic ingredients with the same old yucky ingredients. 

     It does no good to read labels if you don't know what you're reading. Here's a good basic guide on what to look for and avoid on labels. It's important to know not only which ingredients to avoid, but why you are avoiding them. You may end up making a scale for yourself of what products you want to avoid at all costs and which products you are willing to use on occasion. If you can't find a completely chemical-free product, you might be able to find something in the meantime that has a lower risk. 

8. Be reasonable. When I started doing this research, I didn't run out and throw away every product I own (I'm way too cheap to do that). When my old soap ran out, I just replaced it with the new product. I didn't need to replace every product either. I think with going chemical free comes a simplicity - so many things I use have multiple uses.
Another note on being reasonable...if I'm at someone's house and they have hand soap or lotion that isn't chemical free, I don't snub my nose up at it and follow with a huge lecture on the danger of chemicals. I use the product. Our bodies have an amazing ability to get rid of toxins.  The only exception I make to this is when it comes to little children. After my own research, I've determined that it is crucial for my kids to be as completely chemical-free as possible. Little bodies are still doing so much crucial development that they can't process toxins like older children and adults. (The amount of harmful ingredients in basic baby brands like Johnson & Johnson, Baby Magic and even Aveeno is appalling to me.)  Again, this is my own conclusion from the research I've done. It's a choice I'm making for my family.


My philosophy on both food and topical products is to eat/live as healthy as possible about 85-90% of the time. (I love to occasionally wear perfume & eat pizza rolls.) You are welcome to not agree with this. Like I've said in my introductory post, there's no set way to live, eat, etc. The only position I think that is hard to respect is the unconscious consumer. If you've done your research and decided that ______is safe for your family, that's ultimately your decision.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this, even if you disagree with me. :) Part 3 coming soon!

a chemical-free household, Part 1: Introduction

I've have started several different posts about going chemical-free in our household, but I could never quite concisely introduce the topic. To make this less overwhelming for you (by you, I mean me) I'm going to do this in multiple posts.

A little back story - how did I get even interested in going chemical-free?

Whoever said "Necessity is the mother of invention" had it right on our case. A lot of our simpler, greener lifestyle initially happened by chance. Overweight and feeling gross? Let's look into what the heck we're eating. Is the monthly budget tight? Let's see how can we streamline our household products/toiletries more cheaply. I was having horrible skin problems, so we looked at what chemicals we were using in our soaps, which made us investigate other toiletries, detergents and cleaning products. My dad has has had a long, painful battle with cancer. Something that shakes up your life that much makes you think - how did this happen? Not that his cancer was caused by these products, but who knows? If you've had cancer or know someone who has battled it and seen how ugly it can be, you want to run away screaming from any products that have been linked to the disease. He started doing research of his own and sharing alternative products with me. (By the way, they work better and are cheaper than anything I was using before. More on that later).

Recently, I was passing along my basic knowledge of cloth diapering to an inquiring friend. This spawned an out of control conversation about living economically and chemical-free. She asked questions way faster than I could answer them. Each time I began an answer, it opened the door for another question. How do you answer a question like, "If it's not safe for us, why do they sell it?" to an extremely overwhelmed person who wants your years of research on living chemical-free in 20 minutes? After the conversation she told me that she wasn't going to remember everything I said and I needed to send her a long email and take her shopping to point out which products were good and which ones were not. 

It was my turn to feel completely overwhelmed. It has taken me YEARS to become a conscious consumer (and I'm still learning so much). Even if it was possible to take on the daunting task of giving her a complete education in one sitting, I wouldn't. I know the only way these changes have worked for me is that I have done them gradually. They started with something or someone inspiring me to _______ (cloth diaper, eat better, etc.) which led me to tons of research and subsequent trial and error when implementing it into our lives. I've taken research and advice and combined it with my own conscience to decide what's best and safest for our family. 

There are a ridiculous amount of ingredients that are not banned in the U.S. that are linked to cancer. These ingredients aren't in just "occasional" products, like oven cleaner. Substances known to cause cancer (as well as reproductive problems and hormonal imbalances) are in our makeup, soaps, diapers and baby shampoos.

Before I get ahead of myself, here's a video called The Story of Cosmetics  from the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics (not just makeup, but shampoo, lotions, shaving cream, baby wash, etc.) I think it's a good introduction to being a conscious consumer in general.




I'd really love to know your thoughts so far. Another post is coming soon!

a solicitation for advice

As excited as I am about the baby coming, as intensely as I have researched labor & delivery, parenting and discipline methods, breastfeeding, etc. I am still truly terrified of one thing - the baby registry. I immediately recoiled in horror at the enormous list of "must have" items that Babies r Us provides. Freaking ridiculous.

All that "stuff" just overwhelms me. I have a strong dislike for stuff. I like items in my home that are useful and beautiful. I hate junk. I get stressed enough making the obligatory Christmas list (more on that in a later post). I feel that creating the baby registry is like someone saying "Hey Nicole, can you make a list of all of the absolute essentials that you need for your child to be a well-rounded person. Be sure to make good choices even though this is your first kid and you really don't know how you are going to parent your child specifically." I've added pressure to myself by wanting to have safe, useful, practical things that can last through multiple children, fit a "green and frugal" lifestyle and also not take up too much room in a small house.

The more I research, the more I remove items from my registry. And re-add them. And remove them again. So I'm turning to my readers for help. Even though most don't publicly follow my blog, I know you're out there. When I run into you somewhere and you know what I think about certain things and what is going on in my life, I know you are reading this ;) Seriously though, it thrills me! But it's time to come out of hiding and help an ignorant mother-to-be out. My burgeoning belly is apparently a signal for everyone in the world to give me unsolicited and (sometimes harsh) judgments on my parenting decisions. Here is your chance - I'm asking for advice.

To give you guidance, this is my (current) parenting philosophy after nannying countless kids and considering our current lifestyle. (I'm allowed to change this after my baby is born...a mama's got to be able to learn and grow too!) I'm going to start out with the intention of baby wearing, cloth diapering, breastfeeding and room sharing (a form of co-sleeping).  I'm not opposed to things such as playmats and bouncers, but I do want minimal junk in my house. I prefer to have a small amount of toys that are safe, simple and encourage creativity.

Please. Educate me. Wear the comment button out!

Curses and Blessings

Yesterday was a curse and a blessing.

There were several accidents on the way to work yesterday, making me late. Curse.
I got to listen to Danielle Rose a little longer in the car - her music always makes Baby Reed dance and she's even starting to obviously have favorite songs. It's such a joy getting to know her personality already! Blessing.

While nannying, I fell down the stairs - 6 and 1/2 months pregnant and holding a five month old baby in my arms. Curse (and painful).
While I lay at the bottom of the stairs crying, I realized that I had managed to protect both my huge belly and the baby in my arms who, coincidentally, was cracking up laughing - his new favorite activity. Baby Reed almost instantly started bouncing away, assuring me of her safety. Huge Blessing.

Our apartment is a disaster. We're living in the old apartment while all of our stuff is in the new house. (Read: We have all of our furniture and neatly packed boxes at the new house, while the floor of our old apartment looks like the carpet violently threw up all of our possessions.) Curse.
Deciding to make lemonade out of lemons, we turned our bare living room floor into a picnic ground completely with sleeping bags, fluffy pillows, cannelloni, apple crisp and a viewing of our favorite movie. Blessing.

This morning I woke up in so much pain from my tumble down the stairs that I could barely get out of bed. Curse.
My little girl continues to dance away in my belly, oblivious that her mother is a klutz with a messy house who inevitably falls asleep by 9pm - the only blessing I need.