Thursday, November 4, 2010

a solicitation for advice

As excited as I am about the baby coming, as intensely as I have researched labor & delivery, parenting and discipline methods, breastfeeding, etc. I am still truly terrified of one thing - the baby registry. I immediately recoiled in horror at the enormous list of "must have" items that Babies r Us provides. Freaking ridiculous.

All that "stuff" just overwhelms me. I have a strong dislike for stuff. I like items in my home that are useful and beautiful. I hate junk. I get stressed enough making the obligatory Christmas list (more on that in a later post). I feel that creating the baby registry is like someone saying "Hey Nicole, can you make a list of all of the absolute essentials that you need for your child to be a well-rounded person. Be sure to make good choices even though this is your first kid and you really don't know how you are going to parent your child specifically." I've added pressure to myself by wanting to have safe, useful, practical things that can last through multiple children, fit a "green and frugal" lifestyle and also not take up too much room in a small house.

The more I research, the more I remove items from my registry. And re-add them. And remove them again. So I'm turning to my readers for help. Even though most don't publicly follow my blog, I know you're out there. When I run into you somewhere and you know what I think about certain things and what is going on in my life, I know you are reading this ;) Seriously though, it thrills me! But it's time to come out of hiding and help an ignorant mother-to-be out. My burgeoning belly is apparently a signal for everyone in the world to give me unsolicited and (sometimes harsh) judgments on my parenting decisions. Here is your chance - I'm asking for advice.

To give you guidance, this is my (current) parenting philosophy after nannying countless kids and considering our current lifestyle. (I'm allowed to change this after my baby is born...a mama's got to be able to learn and grow too!) I'm going to start out with the intention of baby wearing, cloth diapering, breastfeeding and room sharing (a form of co-sleeping).  I'm not opposed to things such as playmats and bouncers, but I do want minimal junk in my house. I prefer to have a small amount of toys that are safe, simple and encourage creativity.

Please. Educate me. Wear the comment button out!

12 comments:

  1. Haha :) Check out an old blog I did when I was about 6 1/2 months pregnant with Gabriel: http://humblehandmaid.blogspot.com/2009/09/registering-woesagain.html

    I was sort of ridiculous at first registering like crazy for everything in sight. My mom politely told me I was being goofy :)

    I will post things as I think of them, but here are a few items I would register for if I were you!

    Miscellaneous things you'll need right away that you may have thought of already:
    burp cloths
    nail clippers
    pacifier (if you're using them)
    diaper rash ointment (we use Boudreaux's Butt paste)
    Breast/nursing pads
    Thick sanitary pads (you'll need lots of these for a few weeks after having the baby :)
    Lansinoh nipple ointment (Breastfeeding often hurts a lot at first while we're getting used to it, even with all the "perfect positioning" in the world. At least that happened for me)
    SwaddleMe swaddling wraps (if you are swaddling her at all; Gabriel LOVED being swaddled and these wraps have velcro and were a snap to use)
    Baby shampoo and lotion
    Laundry detergent that is safe for baby. There are "green" ones out there but you can also just used a gentle fragrance-free one. We use Charlie's soap, a non-toxic, biodegradable, fragrance-free laundry soap that uses just 1/8 cup per load, so it lasts a long time! It is about $25 for a big jug of it, but it lasts a long time and cleans stains and yuckiness out of anything you throw it on.

    You will want to register for things that you will suddenly need later on when she is older (I wish we'd done more of this): baby utensils, outlet covers, bottles (even if you're breastfeeding, it's good to have some for emergencies!)

    You will probably want a bouncer, something to lie baby in that vibrates and/or swings that has things that hang above her to entertain her with music and cute toys. You will use this until about 4 or 5 months I think.

    You will want to buy or borrow something that he can stand up in and jump up and down. They get bored just sitting or laying on the floor before they can crawl :)

    That is all I can think of right now, but I will post other things if I think of them!

    I love you and can't wait to see you again and to meet that beautiful baby girl when she is born! :)

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  2. Spoil the kid.
    Cardboard boxes. Lots of 'em.

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  3. Haha :) Check out an old blog I did when I was about 6 1/2 months pregnant with Gabriel. Your comment section won't let me post the link, but just search "registry woes" on my blog search box and you'll find it.

    I was sort of ridiculous at first, registering like crazy for everything in sight. My mom called me one day and politely told me I was being goofy :)

    I will post things as I think of them, but here are a few items I would register for if I were you!

    Miscellaneous things you'll need right away that you may or may not have thought of already:
    burp cloths
    nail clippers
    baby tylenol
    medicine to dissipate gas bubbles in her stomach - I forget what it's called but it's very commonly used (Gabriel had trouble adjusting to milk at first, and this stuff helped a lot)
    a bulb syringe to suck out snot when she gets a cold (they may give you one from the hospital)
    pacifier (if you're using them)
    diaper rash ointment (we use Boudreaux's Butt paste)
    Breast/nursing pads (I like the disposable ones, but you may opt for the washable ones. Either way you'll need lots of them at first until your body learns how much milk to produce and stops overproducing and leaking out all over creation)
    Thick overnight-size sanitary pads (you'll need lots of these for a few weeks after having the baby :)
    Lansinoh nipple ointment (Breastfeeding often hurts a lot at first while we're getting used to it, even with all the "perfect positioning" in the world. At least that happened for me)
    SwaddleMe swaddling wraps (if you are swaddling her at all; Gabriel LOVED being swaddled and these wraps have velcro and were a snap to use)
    Baby shampoo and lotion
    Laundry detergent that is safe for baby. There are "green" ones out there but you can also just used a gentle fragrance-free one. We use Charlie's soap, a non-toxic, biodegradable, fragrance-free laundry soap that uses just 1/8 cup per load, so it lasts a long time! It is about $25 for a big jug of it, but it lasts a long time and cleans stains and yuckiness out of anything you throw it on.

    You will want to register for things that you will suddenly need later on when she is older (I wish we'd done more of this): baby utensils, outlet covers, bottles (even if you're breastfeeding, it's good to have some for emergencies!)

    You will probably want a bouncer, something to lie baby in that vibrates and/or swings that has things that hang above her to entertain her with music and cute toys. You will use this until about 4 or 5 months I think.

    You will want to buy or borrow something that he can stand up in and jump up and down. They get bored just sitting or laying on the floor before they can crawl :)

    That is all I can think of right now, but I will post other things if I think of them!

    I love you and can't wait to see you again and to meet that beautiful baby girl when she is born! :)

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  4. We also liked our Bumbo seat. It's a soft seat that you put baby in before she can sit up on her own. It helps for when she is bored of laying on her back or tummy, and gives her a new perspective. You don't NEED one of these, but they are fun to have :)

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  5. - About 3 sets of crib sheets, a mattress protector sheet, and maybe an extra pad to put between the sheet and the mattress protector (for if they pee through the sheets)
    - bumpers for your crib
    - a mobile that plays music and gives baby something to look at and start training her eyes to follow things with.
    - It is nice to have a mirror in her crib or carseat so they can look at themselves and entertain themselves with that too :)

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  6. Well ERIN has pretty much covered it, lol.

    You might want to put a breast pump on your registry. I didn't use mine a whole lot, but it definitely came in handy at times!

    I also really liked my Boppy nursing pillow.

    It's nice to have some sort of changing station set up. Even if it's just a dresser or vanity with a changing pad on top, you'll want something that's at a good height so you won't be hurting your back.

    Since you're thinking about co-sleeping, I'd check out some co-sleepers (I use the Arm's Reach full-size).

    Moby Wrap for baby-wearing.

    I'd also register for a good diaper bag - one large enough to fit everything, that has lots of POCKETS, lol.

    They also have medicine kits that you can register for that have a lot of the grooming/health essentials. A variety of baby medicine is good to have too.

    I also LOVE my temporal thermometer. It scans her forehead, reads her temp in just a few seconds, and comes in handy when they're asleep or squirmy.

    I can't think of anything else right now, but I'm sure I'll come back and add some stuff after Lacey's born, lol! Best piece of advice I can give you though is read the reviews on babies r us! People write about what they liked and didn't like about certain items, and that really helped me!

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  7. Consider going ahead and registering for some kind of "baby container." Either a swing or a bouncer. If you don't use it with the first, you might with the second, despite the large footprint. We live in a tiny house and I resent how much room our cradle swing takes up, but I don't resent how peacefully my daughter sleeps in it while I get to spend some cuddle time with her big brother.

    (This is coming from someone who was totally anti-"baby container" the first time around and makes generous use of a cradle swing now--when you're tending to a toddler, it's good to have the option to put a sleeping or almost-asleep baby down somewhere safe and soothing. ;))

    Other things:

    Whatever type of nursing pads you go for, cloth or sposie, make sure there's a stay-dry layer. The cloth ones you find at Toys'r'Us and Target are usually just cotton, no stay-dry layer, but the stay-dry layer is SO useful in preventing yeast. You knew I was going to say it, so I will: I love, love, love my FuzziBunz nursing pads (and menstrual/postpartum pads).

    The Miracle Blanket is an item I find essential. It's pricey; all four of mine (two for each baby, of course) were gifts from my mom. As wiggly as you've said this baby is in utero, it's very likely that she'll be a startle-y type of newborn. Swaddling is important--even for babies who don't appear to like it. Remember: there's a difference between not liking to GET swaddled and not liking to BE swaddled. The Miracle Blanket keeps the arms by the sides using these crazy flaps that go under their backs, so their own weight keeps the flaps in place. Then it wraps around their middles several times, providing pressure in just the right places to keep them feeling snug. I tried the SwaddleMe, I tried a muslin blanket, I tried gigantic cotton blankets, I tried receiving blankets... the only one my kids couldn't bust out of it in just a few seconds was the Miracle Blanket. And it isn't just because I can't swaddle tightly, because I'd been swaddling my sister's kids for a year. But super-startly babies just wiggle right out of that, or they end up with their hands by their faces and that wakes them up.

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  8. The Nosefrida is the Cadillac of snot-suckers. Look it up.

    An amber teething necklace! I think I told you about this already, but Baltic amber is a natural analgesic when worn against the skin. A good amber necklace has knots between each amber bead or chip so that if it breaks, there's no way the beads will scatter and create a choking hazard.

    At least a ring sling and a wrap, but I'd recommend either a mei tai or soft structured carrier, too. If you're not going to be using a travel system at all, then you'll want several carrier options to accommodate different ages, stages, and times of day, even. A back carry in the mei tai or Ergo was more conducive to me getting my clothes hung on the line, for example, but a hip carry in a "poppable" sling was easier for a quick trip in and out of the gas station to pay.

    Whatever diaper bag you register for, make sure the inner lining isn't a dark color. My first diaper bag had a chocolate brown lining. Nice color, but it was like searching through a black hole. Lots of organizer pockets! I love my JuJuBe bag but I also love the quibby-made stuff I showed you when we talked diapers.

    California Baby skincare products are available at Target and are safe and environmentally sound products. ZukaBaby also carried hosie naturals now, and she's going to have some baby shampoo available in the near future. They may also have other skincare lines, but if you need something your family can readily find at a box store, California Baby is a great choice.

    I didn't like my Arm's Reach co-sleeper. I gave it away. I do LOVE the arrangement we have now, which can be found here: http://www.freewebs.com/sidecarcrib/

    June sleeps in her crib and I sleep right next to her. Her mattress is perfectly flush with mine. She has no idea she's not in the bed with me, but Brandon and I still have our whole queen size mattress to spread out on. It's ideal for us because actual sleep-sharing, not just room-sharing, is what's recommended for ecological breastfeeding success, but we just needed more room than we had with Dom in the bed with us, and he never would stay in his co-sleeper because there was that two-inch drop. He couldn't cuddle with me. She can, but there's still so much SPACE. I love it. All you need to register for if you do this is a couple sets of sheets, maybe a mattress protector. And the bungee cord (or we used ratchet clips) and craft foam. Haha.

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  9. Oh goodness, I have lots of advice! Since James decided to arrive at 33 weeks, and my shower was scheduled for about 3 weeks after that, I didn't really get anything i registered for. We brought him home with a car seat I had gotten at a consignment sale a few months before, and had to go buy wipes and pacifiers the night before he came home! Needless to say, we stuck to the bare essentials when we first brought him home and still do pretty much. I was first opposed to buying a swing, because like you I like things that have multiple uses and/or will last for multiple children. But jeff went out and bought one one night when i was working and James was having one of his incessant crying nights... And it worked wonders! He still loves it :-) We also bought a playmat/gym that is good for tummy time as well as giving him things to look at and reach for above him... I think this is his most-used toy at this point. I didn't get any of the baby blankets/onsies/sleepers I registered for, but people gave us TONS of them anyway... So I don't think you really have to register for them unless there are particular ones you really like. I have a Moby wrap, but only really use it when James is cranky and I need to do things around the house... I don't know if it's just my lack of practice in wrapping it, but seems complicated to deal with using it in public. I also have a nursing cover for breastfeeding in public. I pump at work, but I've used my breast pump a lot more often that I thought I would outside of work... I have the Medela freestyle, and it's a little more expensive than other double electrics, but the battery back up option alone is worth the extra money (read: pumping in the car!) a changing table is considered "optional" but it has definitely helped jeff b/c he's so tall... It helps not having to bend over too much changing somewhere else (bed, floor, etc) we just had an extra console table (from Salvation Army thrift store!) that we stuck a changing table pad on with a little cloth bin to hold diaper rash cream and wipes, etc. Very inexpensive option for a changing table. We used his bassinet that my cousin handed down to me until a few weeks ago... We kept it in our room, and now we often find ourselves sleeping in the double bed we have in his room while he sleeps in his crib. The 10 feet of hallway between our room and his seems SO far when he's crying! We have a rocking chair w/ ottoman in his room, and that's usually where I feed him at night. That pretty much covers the big things... Like I mentioned, we've stuck to the basics, and he's no worse for wear - hardly any remnants of being a preemie even though he was almost 2 months early. Hope this helps :-) CAROL (I'm on jeff's email account)

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  10. Oh, and I second a few things other people have mentioned: lansinoh breast pads are great! Jeff bought me some store brand ones once, and then I learned to appreciate the adhesive feature of the Lansinoh's - helps keep them in place when you're feeding! I bought some Lansinoh lanolin, but haven't had ANY issues with soreness/cracking, so that might not be a necessity right away. He loved being swaddled, and I liked the SwaddleMe, but we only had one in the smallest size. B/c he was a preemie, we probably got more use out of it than a full-term baby. But about a month after we thought he outgrew swaddling, he suddenly went back to needing to be swaddled to stay asleep... One of James' favorite toys is made by Baby Einstein. I don't know the exact name of it, but its a little hand-held thing that plays classical music and lights up different colors... It was pretty much the first toy that got his attention, and he still loves it. I just bought a few books on homemade baby food purees, and I've only browsed them so far, but they both seem really good - "Top 100 Baby Purees" and "Cooking for Baby".

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  11. These are all FABULOUS! Thank you so much - keep 'em coming! It's giving me a few more ideas of things I hadn't registered for (like swaddle blankets) and affirming a lot of decisions I've already made.

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  12. Laura, I REALLY like the crib-attaching idea! Another benefit of doing this is that you won't have to purchase a co-sleeper and THEN a crib later (eventually the baby will start pulling herself out of the co-sleeper, and you'll need to convert it a play yard or buy a crib).

    If you decide to go that route, a pack-n-play is nice to have, especially if you plan on spending a lot of time at your parents' houses. For these, you don't need all the bells and whistles, just something to keep the baby in. And if you don't want to register for one, people sell these on craigslist ALL the time!

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